Tuesday, December 1, 2015


Ambition is a funny thing. It brings many too their knees, many more to their breaking point, and some success, glory, and the key to some sort of ego dream to others. In the vast terms of the entertainment world, success is all that matters, for it allows you to obtain more, which allows you to obtain more; a vicious cycle of nervous needs that has plagued many who have been cursed with the compulsion to create. In these modern times a desperate energy has taken hold, a fame drive straight to the heart of recalling something that could never be again, failing to appreciate and accept all that stands in present form in relation to the past, answering the original, emotional pull, adding to the dialogue, rather than merely aping and raping it. However, once this process is put into place, what is one left with in it's stead? The content then becomes king, upon which all will be revealed as to the true heart of any art- the substantive evidence that puts you into the thing itself. As for ROCK music these days, the homogenized, wet dishrag of digital distortion has gripped every style of music, cleaning up and cutting away the coarser, nastier efforts that truly answered the human soul. If you're gonna be slick, you better bring it- hard down the center and in service to saying something more than a reactionary response to shit nobody knows or cares what you are crying about, since most of your sadly misdirected, archaic, borrowed musical pouts can't compete with the more modern sounds of everything. You just can't keep up, and cannot compete. And so many cannot find any place in between to stay, their high road so high, indignation so self righteous, they know not how to handle the barrage of the Now politic- young men dying to be old in a place they think they know, but never will. Good luck to all involved, and remember to pay your publicist......

Friday, October 16, 2015

Sunday, October 11, 2015

SONG #283 of 365 Demos In 365 Days, October 11th, 2015 FRANKIE DELMANE- Take My Side


Recently it has been suggested that Anne Coulter is actually a transgender dude named Bruce, from Long Island. No direct sources have confirmed this, but the internet is abuzz with the notion that this is true. Who are we to judge???

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

POP MUSIC PUSBAGS; Ryan Adams , Taylor Swift, and the Brainwash Rule.

I am an admitted POP Music fan. Always have been. I love good hooks, don't mind dumb lyrics, and can withstand some of the stupidest posturing imaginable. However, I wince and whine, bray and bay when the POP upheld so highly is the worst of it's genre, not the best. I count Taylor Swift as part of the worst, though not THEE worst (THAT you never hear about, cause it's really just that bad.) And we must create a distinction when talking of POP music, versus something that I myself do, which is Rock & Roll. A very different art form. One requires popularity, a huge fan base, a team of producers and writers, and preferably a youth driven image to exist, the other is a spiritual calling that requires nothing more than your own ego and a few chords to get across. Pop is not more difficult to perform, Pop is not better, and Pop is not the answer to anything other than a transitory good time. Pop does require a more universal, less personal approach, and a more perfectly constructed one, as it is attempting to communicate with millions of people all at once. It may even require actual talent in technique, though certainly not a prerequisite if you are young, charismatic, and have the right connections. Steve Martin is painfully wrong on this when it comes to Pop- you don't have to be good at it, you just have to be good enough.

Rock & Roll in the mainstream, Pop driven market has been dead for sometime now. Though such anomalies as The White Stripes or The Strokes have come down the pike over the years, rock music has ceased to have a viable place at the table due to it's increasing homogenization from bands like Foo Fighters, Blink 182, or Green Day- turning rebellion into money, creating slick product that says little or nothing about anything, the music itself full of so little musical action (it tends to lean more on volume and production than interesting bass lines, rhythmic patterns, or guitar riffs these days) or interest it makes whatever words fly past moot in reflection. The music, the tone of voice, the approach- has been so streamlined and mashed to a bland paste kids can no longer tell when good starts and bad begins- they have been brainwashed into accepting what "good" means through a media/industry apparatus solely interested in moving units and creating trends in which to frame a solid sales foundation)  They are hopelessly lost. You see it in so many underground bands attempting to perform rock n roll music. They flounder and fumble with looks and sounds and styles from eons ago, adding nothing more to the dialogue than a puff piece on their own egos. They typically say things like "bringing real rock n' roll back," or " making rock n' roll cool again," as if it needed their help whatsoever, or suggesting that anybody would even know what that is in the first place, since rock n' roll defined  breaking off the chains of oppressive fashionistas, thwarting the predetermined in favor of the new throttle hybrid (For reference, I count Roxy Music and The Damned as experts in this). Speaking to generation, Rock & Roll is a tough area to be concerned with if you are not of it's era, reeking of revival and retro fitting when you are of  an age that is more associated with EDM, Hip Hop, Tweaker Pop, Nu Metal, Pop Punk, Emo, or anything Lana Del Rey has released. Rather than be a part of your generation, you choose something shiny and safe from the past, copy it as best you can, and then say it's all YOU. Some can pull this off- Lenny Kravitz and The Black Crowes certainly had their moments- as have others, and many of us who perform rock and roll music as an art form, a love affair, a place to exist - do so knowing fully we are not reinventing the wheel- just putting our own colors and shades to it, and hoping if comes out different enough to excite a few people outside our own sense of self accomplishment.

The concept of their only being "special" talent at the TOP may be a fallacy, at best. Especially in regards to Pop Music, which simply has been full to the top with such mediocrity since the days of The Hit Parade in the 1930s, that to even suggest the only ones that are "special" make it- in any way- is a lie told to you by those who want to keep you in a box. So when Shelly Fabares hit with "Johnny Angel" did that make her better than Jackie DeShannon, whose NEVER had a hit that big, though could sing, write, and perform circles around Shelly? Just one tiny, glaring example of deficiancy in perception. Or Janet Jackson, who is a fine Pop Star, but really has no distinctive talents dozens already possess. She is not the best singer- a pretty average one to boot- her dancing is nothing any one with a sense of rhythm could not obtain- hours upon weeks of classes with the world's best choreographers will do that for you. And I am not dismissing or diminishing her presence (this is impossible, she has a large audience who loves her to death, which has nothing to do with any technique- she is star for her style, not her technique.) Rock & Roll is the flip side of Pop- it's rough, gruff, inconsistently brilliant; dirty, energetic, wild, fun, stupid- producing works that last far beyond it's Pop counter parts, as it gets rediscovered and uncovered every generation since it's inception some 60 years ago. Old stars forgotten, new stars appear, old stars reborn, new stars born from old nobodies- rock and roll does this; Pop makes no such claims, no such space exists for these archetypes. You either hit or you don't. A winner or a loser. In Rock & Roll you are Born To Lose, Live To Win.

Which brings me to the calamity that is Ryan Adams covering Taylor Swift's 1989 in it's entirety. Adams, who through sheer force of personality, as well as the luck required to make a career in the music industry (and some say the prickly personality it takes in getting there), seems to have always attempted straddling both worlds, in addition to proclaiming himself some sort of country artist- or "alternative country" artist- the genre he began his career in. What Adams appears to be, in my estimation, is a Pop Singer. His middling music- a sort of ambling country rock that references John Cougar Mellencamp and Bryan Adams as much as The Rolling Stones and Bruce Springsteen- is perfectly middle of the road. His first band, Whiskeytown, was a well regarded alternative country unit loved by those who feel Wilco a centerpiece in their lives, and his subsequent solo turn "Heartbreaker" contained some lovely melodies that let the world know he had at least as much talent as Duncan Shiek or Donnie Iris ("When the Stars Go Blue" is his "Ah, Leah") I would possibly put him nowhere past Steve Forbert or Willie Nile historically, though Adams gets the love he deserves in an era in which there is no competition for that corner of the block, as there was when the aforementioned existed. His popularity didn't truly reach it's apex until the mid to late naughts, when record sales of any kind became welcome in the face of a dying pop scene, and downloading free music turned those away from the more incidental stars of the day.

The original 1989 record by Taylor Swift I found a difficult listen. It reminds me of sitting at a random bus stop near a high school and listening to 16 year old girls in conversation. I found it insipid, narrow, annoying, bitchy, hollow, and uninspired. I could toss in glib, smug, and grating. However, this record was probably not made for a guy like me. I am most likely aged out of this music. It seems targeted for someone much younger and less experienced, or possibly those older just needing some aural wall paper to make them feel young and energetic, and Taylor is good enough for them- makes them feel as if they belong to the popular dialogue, and not old and out of touch- which socially tends to scare a lot of people.) And all of that is fine, I don't have to like it, I don't have to understand it. The problem becomes when you DO understand it, are inundated with it everywhere you go, and forced to comment on these things in your daily life due to it's ubiquity. Ryan Adams latest LP- a self titled affair that echos Tom Petty, Jackson Browne, and his own measured flair for the fake ache- contained a few numbers worth repeat listen, which is why I thought it an idea to listen to his interpretation of Taylor's 1989 LP. As a songwriter- and one of distinction to the Billboard Chart/Rolling Stone/Grammy community- I felt maybe he would reveal something in her work I may have missed, something he heard that pricked his ears and made him feel he could wring something out of it in the same way i feel I reinvent my love of Bill Anderson's songwriting through my own work.

The answer I received was dismal. Not only did the material render itself worse in his hands, it proved that her songs are only exciting when dressed up in the kitchen sink production of her 1989 record. That she is INDEED a Pop Star, that her brand of sonic hard sell is just that- a slab of commercial goo to grab dollars and celebrity. In and of itself that is fine- Pop Music is meant to be that great, silly nothing we rally around for the moment in which it gets us and is then gone. Sometimes it lasts longer, but is not required to do so for full enjoyment. But her product is an indication that had she become that well known through any other medium, she would have been just as happy. Which I do not think is the case with Mr. Adams. I do believe, quite sincerely, that he is a rock star through and through, that is his vocation and he made it. I also feel that way about Mike Reno from Loverboy. However, I find Adams- like Reno, good for a few minutes of pleasure, and wanting the rest of the time. Adams artistic temperament and impulses certainly lean more towards what I may aesthetically behold than Reno's, but juts as frustratingly lackluster when the filler cuts arrive- Reno's are cliche driven, Adams' seem simply repetitive. Either way, his recording of Taylor Swift's 1989 reveals why both artists I feel are a reflection of today's most mediocre Pop Music. With all of that talent out there in the world, these two seem to occupy spaces that could be better filled. That would take a paradigm shift- or simply, a gamble- too many industry wags are either to frightened or too clueless to makes- so you are stuck within a time in which the MOST middling (not the worst, not the best) are on Top- be it Taylor Swift, Ryan Adams, Bruno Mars, Mark Ronson, Pharell Williams, Drake, The Weeknd, Travis Scott- it's a pretty average bunch of anything anyone could do and be given the right apparatus in getting you there. Exploitation and marketing is all that matters now, anyhow. I would challenge any one anywhere in any position of power in the music industry to take one single, solitary song I have written, put it on brainwash radio rotation,a nd watch it becomes the hit of the season. You can call that arrogance if you must, but if you are actually reading this, you know better.

SONG #266 of 365 Demos In 365 Days, September 23rd, 2015: FRANKIE DELMANE- Storybook Children

Sunday, July 5, 2015

"Burning Down Your Clubhouse"

I feel I may need to go on some sort of mood enhancing medication, like an anti depressant, or Prozac, or some sort of Meds that will even out my manic emotional episodes. They are not extreme. I am not dangerous, to myself- or others. I am aware of my issues, I control them in regards to the general populace. I am cognizant, which is a part of the struggle. I want to return to that place 20 years ago when I did NOT think about the things I do now. I used to never even give anyone's behavior a thought- I just carried on and let them be, and I just existed. Now I just seethe with rage constantly at all the little stupid things people do, and it drives me mad. I once never gave a second thought to behaviors that were invasive or obnoxious- NOW I despise them. What changed? I feel as though it is many factors colliding with one and other, forming this great divide in my mind and soul, a disconnection with the outside world that makes me cringe.

I know many people who swear by meditation or chanting as a means to therapy, to quelling the furious challenges of living in modern society- but those things only exacerbate my anger- they do not work for me- my mind races to fast, too quickly-my needs so small, I have stripped everything to such a finite spiritual core that I am near transparent in my honesty and integrity, not to mention my generosity. And  the spread out slow parade of Los Angeles- a beautiful, marvelous, unique place that has presented being the most challenging place I have ever lived- has more recently made me aware that I am not so sure I am up for the struggle any longer. It's become burdensome. I feel among my acquaintances- in any profession, be it music, film, bar tending, professional careers- are doing better than I am. I know people who have acted unbelievably horribly in life and have gotten further than I have in their given field. It baffles me. I just try to do good work, make people happy, perform and give a little piece of myself to the world- and besides the reward of accomplishing my end of that equation- I get just about nothing in return. Now I cannot rightfully claim it to be ALL non supportive. There ARE people- I could count about 20- who value and appreciate what it is I do, and I am sincerely grateful and appreciative for that support. I truly am. Those people will always be looked upon as very very special to me. However, what is most alarming and surprising is that my biggest supporters and cheerleaders are not who I'd consider close friends. Which is sort of cool, to have actual fans rallying to your side, supporting you, sharing your videos, telling others about your talent and how they should be involved, spreading the word. I am so blasted and flattered whenever anybody does it that they instantly become one of my favorite people. It's as if they understand me, who I am and what I am about. They get it. They seem to know how much of myself is in there, and they react so kindly and generously. It has made me review who my actual friends are, and made my thoughts about moving from L.A. easier. I just feel there is nothing left here for me. I have no support system here. No audience, no love. The people I have most spent my time with these past 15 years- room mates, co workers, fellow musicians- do not seem to fancy my creative output. I know this for a fact- these are people who could do me immeasurable help by maybe mentioning me to the right people, or giving my music to their connections, et al. But NAH- why do that? Then you would actually have to put yourself out there and admit to liking something maybe someone else may tell you you are a fool to support, and that may hurt your flawless record collector cred and scenester needs. It's like rats on a sinking ship- they're only gonna save themselves.

I spend so much time promoting and pontificating and generally supporting other musicians I guess I just assumed I would get that in return from my fellow musicians and friends. How foolish of me. No. And how have I come to this bitter, sorrowful conclusion?? Just look at your social media accounts- and see who shares and acknowledges your work against the stuff they share and acknowledge from their other friends- and when there is CLEARLY an imbalance- in my case, a ZERO to, say, 10 ratio- it not only boggles, but actually hurts me. I sound so sensitive and needy right now, but it's true- I am hurt daily by these people. And I know they do not realize this- they are just being themselves and living their lives, and naturally, should NOT be aware of this- because it is my reactive mind, not theirs, struggling with these issues. Regardless, it does really fucking hurt me- I get choked up with so much of it. And I HATE myself for that. I do. It's nobody's concern but mine, but alas- it is MY life, and my emotional state, so there you have it.

I do understand that some of my problem stems from lack of group think- I just cannot fall into neat little social expectations like most can. All of these record labels I have sent multiple things to, labels I have enjoyed and supported over the years- Sub Pop, In the Red, Norton, Captured Tracks, K records, Kill Rock Stars, et al- want nothing to do with me (apparently, no one has even the decency to say no to you, they just ignore you. I could set myself on fire and they'd let me burn)- not to mention the rags who claim to support indie artists- LA Record, MRR, The Big Takeover, etc- who will NEVER write about me or my work, or unless I pay money for an ad- oh, yeah, THEN they'll write me a glowing review (one only has to take any 6 issues of these things to see the clear patterns, those passive aggressive moves such as these can never be fully verified, that is why people use passive aggressive modes of think- to get away with lousy moral policies). I know I am a ranting lunatic right now, I am- but also born from my real experiences, so it's more truth shouting than anything. They say you attract more bees with honey that vinegar- but, in truth, I am allergic to bees, and one sting could actually kill me. Ponder than for a minute.

I don't want the requirement of people to be that they MUST like and support my music in order to be my friend- that may be too absurd a demand on anyone, but since my music is so important and integral to my everyday life, it does seem to be something that I now value in meeting new people- which I am very reluctant to do these days since it would just come with more of the same bullshit- they'll take the time to talk to me, gather some perspective or emotional support or a few great ideas, and then fuck off on everything else. So my thought process presently seems to be for me to pry myself away from those individuals- no matter how close they are to me- so that I can reconnect with the better parts of myself, and find people to surround myself with who will actually be invested in my music, helping me further my goals, and give me solid constructive criticism that will make me be a better songwriter and person, period. And the "You should..." variety of advice I will ignore- that's just more ego shit from the person saying "You should..."- anyone who leads with that line of talk puts their ego dreams before yours, approach with caution. Constructive criticism is when the other person firstly acknowledges the worth and value of what they are criticizing- like, "Oh man, this cake is delicious! Maybe we should put some strawberry frosting on it to enhances it's natural brilliance." You see- THAT is how it's done. Basically, the only advice I ever seem to get is of a more hopeless, less engaged variety- the sort of non committal suggestions that imply I am not worthy enough of the time it would take for a "real" analysis. You also know your worth when those around you- musicians, promoters, business owners, NEVER look to you, they are always backing up somebody else, promoting somebody else, or acknowledging somebody else. And many times, to your face- as if you have never spoken to them about your own plight and needs in this situation. It's fucking hurtful I tell you. Once again, like they fucking care, or should. Not their problem, totally mine.

Yet, since it is my burden to bare, I no longer want to engage. It's a waste of time. I don't want to talk to these people at great length anymore, about anything. They have their support systems and clearly don't want me as a part of them, so I believe I am going to begin a new journey, try to find a better place for myself, be somewhere around some people that will truly like me for who I am 100%. I feel right now I have a lot of people around me who are 40%, or 20% or 60% a friend- but have commitment issues when the rubber hits the road. I need more 100 percenters in my life.

SONG #186 of 365 Demos In 365 Days, July 5th, 2015: FRANKIE DELMANE- Leather & Lust

Monday, June 1, 2015

SONG #152 of 365 Demos In 365 Days, June 1st, 2015: FRANKIE DELMANE- Do It Bad

"Fuck you, Fuck the World, and Fuck It All"

I believe my new reality is coming on fast and hard, and it makes me sad. I am quickly growing more and more comfortable with accepting my bitterness and rage. I just don't like the world as we know it. I am done with this society and it's fucking stupid people, I am finished being hurt by all the rejection, I am going to burn away any shred of empathy, sympathy, and romance I have left. It's all going to be suppressed. Destroyed. Obliterated. Why?? Because it has gotten me absolutely NOWHERE. Any way you slice it, I cannot get a leg up in my current emotional form. I am too forgiving, too passive, too generous. With my time, my energy, my talent, my intelligence, my knowledge. I share it constantly, and it has finally worn me out. I am finished being even friendly towards people any longer. It's futile. Now, this does not mean that I will eliminate being polite- I still have a belief in social graces, but if I am out and about and others do not express a similar disposition, I will not pick up the slack any longer. Fuck the World, man, fuck em' to hell. They just DO NOT deserve someone like me any longer. I have spent far too much time being the "better man." NO MORE. I am now going to be much much worse. Nasty even. I just don't give a fuck any longer. This whole society is breeding sycophants and trend following whores at a rapid rate, and I cannot abide by such dumb lifestyle choices most Americans seem to make.

And I am being told, in no uncertain terms, that this society we dwell with in- does not want a cat like me around, at all. I just don't fit into anything, and doubt ever will. I guess some people just have to be failures in their lives so others can be successful. And that's me, a failure. I don't take that to heart- I don't lock it in deep- my true opinion of myself is that I am as great as anyone who has ever written a song and should be at the very least appreciated and patronized for this- but I can't seem to convince the rest of the world. So here I sit, agitated always, chomping at the bit. I rarely hang out with other people because of this- I don't want them to have to experience my vitriol. My invective. My bitter spew. Cause I spit a lot of acid, a ton of rage. Much of this anger stems from my inability to get my shit together and make it work. This seems to elude me. I want a new job, more money, a new apartment, maybe even a new city. But my path to getting these things is riddled with the lack of funds and ability, education and age that go along with this modern world's version of being a successful entertainer- especially when it comes to rock music.   A citizen with no country, a man out of time, nowhere to call my own- no one to support, guide, appreciate, understand, or assist me. Nope. As usual, I am on my own, hoping to a better day.Working towards a better day, knowing it'll probably amount to ZERO. After 30 years of doing I cannot imagine anybody but ME giving a shit. Maybe 4 other people. None of which are reading this anyhow, so it's a moot point ( so is this blog, which NO ONE but myself reads.) I hate being a self loathing malcontent, but I believe I am one. Or very much on my way.

You see, I have always wanted to perform for audiences, write songs, and tour. That's it. Maybe make enough money to get through life somewhat comfortably- but that's pretty much IT. I don't want for much, but even the little I ask for I do not receive. It is mind stretching. And who gives a shit anyhow??? NO ONE, that's who. I guess whatever it is I do must be some sort of absolute turn off, because I can't get one shred of interest in MY music. All the while, the culture moves on, passes you by- you cease to care what's next- especially if you have never gotten what it is you seek to find. And I have not. There have been pockets- lucky years. However, in the past those times were obscured by other people's demands as well as your own insecurities and .desires. I have found myself walking the streets lately just ignoring every face I see. Shunning everyone. In my mind I justify this as the only way in which to not get hurt anymore. I don't want to give away ANY part of my soul any longer. These people out here SUCK. I have ridden the bus for 15 years in L.A., at least 5 days a week. It is a traveling microcosm of all that is wrong with people today. And not some homeless schizophrenic either- though those fuckers are an annoyance and challenge as well. No, I am talking everyday, average Americans. They are fucking DUMB. And they like DUMB shit. Because they actually listen to some dumb opinions and form theirs from that.

Anyhow, I am no longer certain what my future holds. I am presently trying to put some serious thought into it, to see what my next phase may be. I will always make music and write- those are my passions, my needs, my release from all the hideous shit I confront daily. But my reality seems to be one of complete rejection. I have no other way to gauge this other than referring to how many people watch my videos, or buy my music. The one record I have for download on iTUNES has not sold one download yet, and maybe an average of 10 are watching my 365 Demos in 365 Days project. None of my so called friends EVER share any of my videos or songs with their friends or on blogs or anywhere else. And THAT, isolates me even more.) I really am trying to work past all of this, to not care, to become tougher than leather and fore go ever sending out a single promo item to be reviewed- it has become a waste of money and time for me, and I am just finished. Let them come to ME-those fucking assholes, nerds. Fucking shit heads. Motherfuckers. What I find extra vexing is that I am the perfect candidate to put time and money into. I write great songs, I look good, I have endless ideas and energy, and am willing to do a lot, for very little. Just enough to live a simple, comfortable life. That's it. Why is this so fucking difficult?? I am assuming because people really don't like what i am doing, don't think it' special, and don't think it will sell. right?? It saddens me, this- but I'll live, i have out lasted so many people- even in the last 5 years! And it looks as though I am here for the duration. So, I have decided to continue annoying people with my presence, to attack those institutions that want to keep me out, to make enemies of them- to make it them wish they'd just accepted and valued me in the first place. It's time to draw blood. Slit some throats (metaphorically speaking, naturally). I am going to hassle, harangue, bother, poke, prod, push, and probably piss off all of those who refuse to give me the chance, who have ignored or rejected my music. Fuck you, go die. I will burn your publications, I will incite others against you, i will snub you every chance I get. Fuck you again. I am a one man army for my music, and all will suffer under it's wheels. I no longer give a shit about these fucks. I don't want to dignify these asswads by naming them. Let's just say I know who you are- they know who they are- and they know who I am, and they choose to slam the door in my face constantly. Well, shit is gonna get real tough around here. you can count on that,.Cunts.

Friday, May 22, 2015

SONG #142 of 365 Demos In 365 Days, May 22nd, 2015: FRANKIE DELMANE The Licorice Fields of A Shropshire Lad

" I've Got A Lot Of Hatred For The World Today"


I have decided to utilize this blog to rant and rave about ALL of my personal feelings- triumphs, tragedies, aspirations, rejections- and I am going to do it unfettered, bluntly,and honestly. I tire of not having a proper RANT outlet at my disposal. Facebook I don't like because it's instantaneous and only serves to magnify my absolute disconnect with the world- i.e. I find people in general- and this mean my FB group of about 800 friends- do not really have time, energy, nor patience to help or understand my emotional plight, or believe in me enough to find their way to loving enough of what is most special to me to assist in any way but to tell me to keep on keepin' on. And that's just NOT enough. Plus, NO ONE ever reads this Blog- I mean, NO ONE- so I feel I'm safe to give life to these rantings free of condemnation- though naturally we all want someone to secretly discover this and be our savior, which is why i am still making this public- it's a catharsis I must live through, damn the consequences. Maybe it will be lead me to the palace of wisdom. And it's not that I don't appreciate the fact that people have lives and they have to live theirs and help themselves and be there for their families and other friends and really, I'm not all that important to them anyhow-which brings me to why I need this outlet to GO OFF.

Because I no longer have any close friends. I once did, in my youth, but they have all moved on. Away from me. It seems that I have become some what of a a pariah in my middle age. Not for anything I have done mind you- or seemingly so- but life has moved on. Many people I grew up with either now are married, have kids, got careers, or became the success in their respective industries that I have longed to be. None of this applies to me- I have failed miserably in life, and it chokes me up at least once a day. You see, I am a musician- a songwriter, a singer, a physical writer as well- and no one will hire me for any of this. As I see so much else celebrated and elevated, people I know getting promotions, tours, record deals, publishing deals, distribution deals, management deals, etc- it goads me no end. I am devastated. I certainly celebrate and champion those who get their chance- i am not with out love for the successful, but it also drags me down and makes me want to dose myself with a bunch of sleeping pills and be done with all of this bullshit. It is pain for me. Pure, aching pain. And really, none of my friends, no one who actually knows me- gives a shit. They just don't. I don't know if they can. Maybe they all secretly harbor this belief that I am a hack, and  they don't want to say anything because they like me as a person, but not as a musician or writer, and they know it may send me into deeper isolation- which I feel has already begun. Just by the mere fact I am friends- even acquaintances- with people who have all sorts of connections- to labels, distributors, magazines, weeklies, dailies, managers, etc- NOT ONE OF THEM HAS EVER helped me in any fashion with these connections. And to me- if you had a friend who was talented and wrote a song a day and posted a video a day and authored a fanzine and wrote a book and could produce quality material  constantly- clearly you would share all of this with people who could help him do this as a full time thing, as a job, as a way to bring his full self to the world. But NO. You think anybody I know does this for me? Nah. I see their posts of all their other friends and colleages who I am suppose to think are awesome, but I am always, always left out of this. Always.

I just want to die sometimes. I mean, maybe not literally, but I seem to die a figurative death each passing year. Physically I am in the greatest shape of my life, i work out non stop and love my body and love working out and it may be the one thing that has kept me off the streets and devolving into something far worse than what is already starting to bubble up inside of me. And one of the most stinging aspects to all of this is how much I comprehend how little anybody should even give a shit. We all have our ups and downs and there are no promises, and no one can save you but yourself- but this stems from way back into my early childhood. I never had a mentor or a person who took an interest in me in the way in which I took an interest in myself. I was never a good student, I got along with other kids okay, but even then I was known as odd and a bit outside of it all, with no one else to help draw me inward and tell me I was good for something, that I had something to offer the world- it never happened. I was just expected to exist.  It seems the concurrent theme of my life, even now. I feel this may be why I am an iconoclast. I cannot seem to help it, it's some psychological addiction I have- no matter if I suppress it, it still comes boiling over. And I have added some bitterness and cynicism to this mix, which has triggered resentment and anger- which makes me prone to hating everything more and more and more each passing day.

So what do I do and where do i go from here??? It's not as if I am not fully loaded with projects and things to occupy my abilities. I started a 365 Demos in 365 Days project at the start of 2015, and am on song #142 presently. Which brings me to the BEST thing I have ever done for myself, by  myself, for myself. I have literally been forced to be my own best friend and favorite recording star. And as the year grows on, I become more and more interested ONLY in MY music, in MY way, in MY work. I feel as though since I have been denied access to the exploitation apparatus that would elevate me to sharing this music with the world, with full support and the chance to work at this for the rest of my life and travel the world and entertain people, I am the only one left who can speak on my behalf, who can truly appreciate and understand and value the work itself. But the bitter, lonely chill of this persists, as well. I can barely bring myself to go to another rock show independent of ones I am playing because all I want to ever be is one stage, not in the audience. In light of the fact that I can't get enough gigs to do this, it seems a moot point to be out around live music and not be part of the act.

My other great solace is my band The Crazy Squeeze. But we don't do enough for my taste, either. But that's a different story. You are dealing with 4 different people, 4 different lives, 4 different time constraints, financial concerns and needs, 4 different emotional beings. We have a European Tour planned, and are presently recording a new LP. So this activity is wonderful, just fantastic. We have a very small support system- a great one I will add, of dedicated fans and labels and promoters willing to help realize our value as a really good night out. But much of it comes out of pocket and we will end up paying entirely for Europe, as we did releasing our first LP (though Wanda in Germany did a fucking amazing, superb job with the import LP- I almost cried when i saw it)- I am not saying that I don't even have a few fans of my own in to my art, I do- and I cherish each one of them so much. they know who they are, and they know how I feel about them- because they get it, they hear what I hear, and they know that I am a much better, more productive, more interesting, more effective talent and person when you receive what I am laying down. they know that I just want to share this with the world on a massive scale, always. What's mine is theirs, vice versa.

But I am also afraid it may be too late for me. I am 44. And I don't feel that is old- I don't FEEL that old, I don't even really LOOK that old (not a day over 40!)- but I feel the culture collapse around me- I can see the opportunities never available now due to this indignity of our society. I feel as though i could be writing some of the best pop songs ever and no one will take notice because of my age- as in, "well, if a 15 year old does it, it's amazing. 44? Who cares." Another emotional blow to grapple with. And I don't dwell on age. I never have- everybody who knows me knows this, they know I love being an adult, I love sharing my experiences with others- I consider it an accomplishment to have made it this far. Sadly, others do not see it this way- and my 30 years of making music more or less means nothing to anybody but me. Nor should it- but this is my life, and I'm living it, and I'm gonna fucking talk about it.

I am at a cross roads in many ways. After this year is complete- I do the next CS record, go to Europe, finish my 365 day project- I think I may make my solo record and go away entirely. Maybe do one more issue of my zine and say goodbye. Sort of slip away when no one is looking and start a new life somewhere else in the world. I don't know- I am literally just ranting off the top of my head- it reflects the emotional state I live in chronically. I just feel it has become an emotional hardship for me to continue being friends with those who cannot bring themselves to elevating me to a level of success in equal measure so we can be happy together. And the real frustration , once again, comes from the knowing that it is not their problem, nor should be- I guess I have a very difficult time processing these things. I am probably more disappointed in my inability to make any of this work for me, and even after 142 songs I would have thought somebody somewhere would hear the magic and want to exploit and promote it to the rest of the world. And it's not for lack of trying either- I not only post these songs/videos everyday, but I send them to labels and blogs and zines and the like every chance I get. Name the label and they have ALL been sent something- some of them multiple times- to no avail. No reviews, no response, nothing. LA Weekly, LA Record, Mojo, Captured Tracks, MRR, Alternative Tentacles, Subpop, Matador, Drag City, In the Red, Norton, Dirtnap, Fat Wreckords, Epitaph, Side One Dummy, Wild!, Kill Rock Stars, K Records, on and on and on- nobody gives a shit. Not ONE of these labels or magazines or any of this has ever contacted me or responded to anything. NONE. So to me it's all just pay to play. If I had money to hire somebody to talk to them maybe something would happen. Music doesn't cut it I guess. I am certain the real truth is that they would want to have nothing to do with the kind of shit I make, that's for sure. So be it. Thwarted once again. And what's most fucked up is It deters me not one bit, it just inflicts a lot of emotional pain, triggers this chronic state of rejection. I go through periods of shifting focus to make myself feel better, certainly- that is the smarter thing to do- do not keep trying to get people to love you who clearly so not love you. But every time I get excited for a new start up company- it's the same old politics over and over- put out friends, which ever one sells most, make more bands like that, follow formula, ignore just trying to sell good songs. And naturally this sound insanely insular and bitter and you can fully tell I have been wounded by all of this rejection, this hate put on me . Maybe it's an illusion, maybe it's more the callous way in which these people most likely didn't even bother to open anything I have ever sent to them my entire musical existence. I don't know, I just don't have these answers- only my rotten, battered, bruised feelings.

I still look to the day I can find a wide audience for my work. I do. I want to believe it is out there. I do have small pockets of support all over the place, and it is so humbling and heart warming. I will stick it out as long as I can for them, knowing that at least a handful of people value my work as much as I do, which in turn allows me to value all else fully, without question. The rest of the time I'm fucking pissed off.

Friday, May 15, 2015

"Yes- We Are Comparing Ourselves To The Rolling Stones!" THE CRAZY SQUEEZE INTERVIEW!!!

"Having an upcoming single like our new one "To The Lonely Ones"/"Red Rosie" with two different approaches and two different lead singers adds dimensions for the listener. It's like you're getting another spin of the same band. Take a look at the single for The Rolling Stones Waiting On A Friend; the B side to that was Little T&;A. Or Happy, the other side to that single was All Down The Line. Two different songs. Two different singers, same band, and a different insight into the same group. Or the entire Between the Buttons album. Each song is different. It’s like seeing all sides or getting something in 3D. 

Oh and I know that someone reading this is saying 'oh so you're comparing yourself to The Rolling Stones are you?' My answer to that is 'YES, you're damn right I am!' The Rolling Stones are THEE fucking PLATINUM standard! If you're not going to stand up and aspire for that well then just take some smack an get drunk and don't worry about it because there are like thousands of other bands doing the same thing, so you'll be okay. Hopefully.


SONG #135 of 365 Demos In 365 Days, May 15th, 2015 FRANKIE DELMANE- You Leave Everything In A Matter Of Time

Friday, January 9, 2015

SONG #9 of 365 demos in 365 days!! FRANKIE DELMANE- Street Trash

 SONG #9 in my 365 demos in 365 days projects I began on TWITTER at the start of this year. Come join in on the fun- so many cool songs to upload and share this year- everyday will be a NEW surprise video AND song!!