Monday, June 1, 2015

SONG #152 of 365 Demos In 365 Days, June 1st, 2015: FRANKIE DELMANE- Do It Bad

"Fuck you, Fuck the World, and Fuck It All"

I believe my new reality is coming on fast and hard, and it makes me sad. I am quickly growing more and more comfortable with accepting my bitterness and rage. I just don't like the world as we know it. I am done with this society and it's fucking stupid people, I am finished being hurt by all the rejection, I am going to burn away any shred of empathy, sympathy, and romance I have left. It's all going to be suppressed. Destroyed. Obliterated. Why?? Because it has gotten me absolutely NOWHERE. Any way you slice it, I cannot get a leg up in my current emotional form. I am too forgiving, too passive, too generous. With my time, my energy, my talent, my intelligence, my knowledge. I share it constantly, and it has finally worn me out. I am finished being even friendly towards people any longer. It's futile. Now, this does not mean that I will eliminate being polite- I still have a belief in social graces, but if I am out and about and others do not express a similar disposition, I will not pick up the slack any longer. Fuck the World, man, fuck em' to hell. They just DO NOT deserve someone like me any longer. I have spent far too much time being the "better man." NO MORE. I am now going to be much much worse. Nasty even. I just don't give a fuck any longer. This whole society is breeding sycophants and trend following whores at a rapid rate, and I cannot abide by such dumb lifestyle choices most Americans seem to make.

And I am being told, in no uncertain terms, that this society we dwell with in- does not want a cat like me around, at all. I just don't fit into anything, and doubt ever will. I guess some people just have to be failures in their lives so others can be successful. And that's me, a failure. I don't take that to heart- I don't lock it in deep- my true opinion of myself is that I am as great as anyone who has ever written a song and should be at the very least appreciated and patronized for this- but I can't seem to convince the rest of the world. So here I sit, agitated always, chomping at the bit. I rarely hang out with other people because of this- I don't want them to have to experience my vitriol. My invective. My bitter spew. Cause I spit a lot of acid, a ton of rage. Much of this anger stems from my inability to get my shit together and make it work. This seems to elude me. I want a new job, more money, a new apartment, maybe even a new city. But my path to getting these things is riddled with the lack of funds and ability, education and age that go along with this modern world's version of being a successful entertainer- especially when it comes to rock music.   A citizen with no country, a man out of time, nowhere to call my own- no one to support, guide, appreciate, understand, or assist me. Nope. As usual, I am on my own, hoping to a better day.Working towards a better day, knowing it'll probably amount to ZERO. After 30 years of doing I cannot imagine anybody but ME giving a shit. Maybe 4 other people. None of which are reading this anyhow, so it's a moot point ( so is this blog, which NO ONE but myself reads.) I hate being a self loathing malcontent, but I believe I am one. Or very much on my way.

You see, I have always wanted to perform for audiences, write songs, and tour. That's it. Maybe make enough money to get through life somewhat comfortably- but that's pretty much IT. I don't want for much, but even the little I ask for I do not receive. It is mind stretching. And who gives a shit anyhow??? NO ONE, that's who. I guess whatever it is I do must be some sort of absolute turn off, because I can't get one shred of interest in MY music. All the while, the culture moves on, passes you by- you cease to care what's next- especially if you have never gotten what it is you seek to find. And I have not. There have been pockets- lucky years. However, in the past those times were obscured by other people's demands as well as your own insecurities and .desires. I have found myself walking the streets lately just ignoring every face I see. Shunning everyone. In my mind I justify this as the only way in which to not get hurt anymore. I don't want to give away ANY part of my soul any longer. These people out here SUCK. I have ridden the bus for 15 years in L.A., at least 5 days a week. It is a traveling microcosm of all that is wrong with people today. And not some homeless schizophrenic either- though those fuckers are an annoyance and challenge as well. No, I am talking everyday, average Americans. They are fucking DUMB. And they like DUMB shit. Because they actually listen to some dumb opinions and form theirs from that.

Anyhow, I am no longer certain what my future holds. I am presently trying to put some serious thought into it, to see what my next phase may be. I will always make music and write- those are my passions, my needs, my release from all the hideous shit I confront daily. But my reality seems to be one of complete rejection. I have no other way to gauge this other than referring to how many people watch my videos, or buy my music. The one record I have for download on iTUNES has not sold one download yet, and maybe an average of 10 are watching my 365 Demos in 365 Days project. None of my so called friends EVER share any of my videos or songs with their friends or on blogs or anywhere else. And THAT, isolates me even more.) I really am trying to work past all of this, to not care, to become tougher than leather and fore go ever sending out a single promo item to be reviewed- it has become a waste of money and time for me, and I am just finished. Let them come to ME-those fucking assholes, nerds. Fucking shit heads. Motherfuckers. What I find extra vexing is that I am the perfect candidate to put time and money into. I write great songs, I look good, I have endless ideas and energy, and am willing to do a lot, for very little. Just enough to live a simple, comfortable life. That's it. Why is this so fucking difficult?? I am assuming because people really don't like what i am doing, don't think it' special, and don't think it will sell. right?? It saddens me, this- but I'll live, i have out lasted so many people- even in the last 5 years! And it looks as though I am here for the duration. So, I have decided to continue annoying people with my presence, to attack those institutions that want to keep me out, to make enemies of them- to make it them wish they'd just accepted and valued me in the first place. It's time to draw blood. Slit some throats (metaphorically speaking, naturally). I am going to hassle, harangue, bother, poke, prod, push, and probably piss off all of those who refuse to give me the chance, who have ignored or rejected my music. Fuck you, go die. I will burn your publications, I will incite others against you, i will snub you every chance I get. Fuck you again. I am a one man army for my music, and all will suffer under it's wheels. I no longer give a shit about these fucks. I don't want to dignify these asswads by naming them. Let's just say I know who you are- they know who they are- and they know who I am, and they choose to slam the door in my face constantly. Well, shit is gonna get real tough around here. you can count on that,.Cunts.